You made me cry and you don't even care
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
