We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
