If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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