i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
