Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
3pm strippers are depressing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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