chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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