If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
