before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
