This girl is more easily done than said...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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