I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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