A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
