Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
