I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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