just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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