haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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