Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
