Your mouth is God's brothel.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
