'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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