apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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