Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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