I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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