If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
