I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
