For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
