My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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