I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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