This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
