I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
