FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
