Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
