he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
