I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
