it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
