I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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