Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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