Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
