i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize