Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
