I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
