I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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