So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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