Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
