Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
