I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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