So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
