Whod you bang
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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