ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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