happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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