He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
