Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I am morally bankrupt
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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