drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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