I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
only you would photoshop your dick
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize