im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
