Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I supernannyed him into submission
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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