my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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