I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
