I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize