im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
