I have demons in me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need water and some morals
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize