Moan for me like Helen Keller
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
