Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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