my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
