physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize