Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Green mimosas i think yes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
