I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
