A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drunk is a universal language darling
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