i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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