I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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